Reason #33: Phallus Spackle

Here we see an insane person engineer literally rappelling down the Washington Monument to inspect damage from last month's earthquake. That looks both terrifying and crazy awesome.

They've found several cracks already, and the monument has been indefinitely closed since the quake and probably won't be reopening anytime soon.

Look, people, it's just a big stone phallus, and it's over 100 years old - can't we just knock it down and make a new one out of reinforced concrete? It's not like it's Mount Rushmore or something.

Ooh - and while we're at it, I want a new rust-proof Statue of Liberty. Like the one on Fringe.